For as long as I can remember I have been insecure about my weight. I’ve struggled with Anxiety, Bulimia Nervosa and Depression throughout my childhood and young adult years, and have reached extremely unhealthy points. I went through extensive recovery programs in high school, but what they don’t tell you in is that even when you are out of recovery you will find times of struggle. In the fall of 2018, I had reached one of my heaviest weights and was extremely unhappy with how my body looked. I weighed 185 pounds at 5’9″. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with weighing 185 pounds, but I personally wasn’t happy with where I was in my life. I found myself struggling a lot with destructive patterns – binging, purging, fasting. But I knew that wasn’t a path I wanted to go down again. Instead, I decided to take my life back and get into the gym.

Getting back into the gym was anything but easy. I felt so insecure with what I looked like, and everyone around me was so fit and beautiful. It was a long process, but I finally found a routine I was comfortable with. With that being said, I wanted to share a few things that I kept in mind while in the process of getting back into a healthy gym routine.

Ease yourself into it.

I ran cross country and track in high school, as well as was a competitive figure skater. With my past fitness experience, I thought that I could go back to the gym and pick up right where I left off. That was far from the truth. No longer could I run a mile in six minutes. In fact, I was lucky to run one in 20 minutes. I knew I wanted to get into a running routine again, so I started off with jogs on the treadmill. When I started, I decided to jog at a 4.0 mph pace and would run between 15 and 30 minutes a day to begin. It was so difficult for me to get into this habit again, but after about a month of this routine I was able to continue increasing my speed and amount of time spent running. Now, I am able to run 6.0-7.0 mph between 30 and 60 minutes at a time. Of course, getting to this point took about seven months for me to get to. But by easing myself back into the workouts, I was able to reach my cardio goals.

Walk in with confidence.

One of the biggest things for me when I was first getting back into the gym was having the confidence to go in the first place. Since I’m a student, I personally utilized the Integrated Wellness Complex (IWC) on the Winona State University campus. At first, I found that I would walk in with my head down a lot, too afraid to look up while I was walking in. But after a while, I just told myself that I didn’t know what the others in the gym were thinking. Nine times out of ten most people aren’t even the least bit concern about you being in the gym. Everyone has their headphones on and is in their own world focusing on their workout. Nobody looks their best at the gym, so just have confidence.

Rest days are important.

When you’re trying to get back into a healthy gym routine while struggling with an eating disorder, your mental illness can take over your mind, telling you to strive for perfection. Even when you shouldn’t. For me, I found myself workout out for an hour or two every day of the week. I wasn’t taking any rest days at first. Then I noticed I was sore a lot, and it got to a point where I could barely move and was tired all the time. So long story short… TAKE A DAY OR TWO TO REST EACH WEEK!

Don’t forget to stretch.

Unless you want to be sore and miserable all the time, make sure not to skip out on stretching. Since I have hella anxiety, I always make sure to stretch before I leave for the gym. But its entirely up to you where you decide to stretch. Just please, please, PLEASE don’t forget to stretch.

Consider utilizing a fitness app.

I’m the kind of person who needs to write down literally anything and everything I do when it comes to my goals. I found that MyFitnessPal was my new best friend when I started working out again. This app allows me to track my food, exercise and how far along I’ve come on my journey. I use it like a bible, and swear by it. MyFitnessPal helps me stay on track.

Finally, I want to conclude with some words of encouragement. Getting back into a gym routine is not easy, especially when you struggle with any form of illness. Don’t ever get discouraged if you wake up one day and really can’t get out of bed to go to the gym. Don’t get discouraged if you can’t do intense workouts like some individuals who go to the gym. Always remember you are not alone, and you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Don’t give up. You GOT this.